Outreach

Campus for Awareness and Relationship Education
Healthy Relationships vs. Unhealthy Relationships

Healthy Relationships 

A strong dating relationship is based on EQUALITY and RESPECT, not power and control. Think about how you treat—and want to be treated by—someone you care about. Compare the examples of an equality based relationship listed below with those on the Power and Control in Dating Relationships Wheel.

In the strongest relationships, respect can’t be beat.
Download and print the Equality in Dating Relationships Wheel

 

Equality in Dating Relationships
Honesty and Responsbility
Not making excuses for your partner’s or for your own actions
Admitting when you are wrong
Keeping your word
Not canceling plans

Open Communication
Being able to express your feelings or opinions
Knowing it is OK to disagree
Saying what you mean and meaning what you say

Intimacy
Respecting your partner’s boundaries
Respecting each other’s privacy
Not pressuring your partner
Being faithful

Physical Affection
Holding hands
Hugging
Kissing
Sitting or standing with your arm on your partner’s shoulder
Respecting each other’s right to say “no”
Asking before acting

Fairness and Negotiation
Accepting changes
Being willing to compromise
Working to find solutions that are agreeable to both people
Agreeing to disagree sometimes

Shared Responsiblity
Making decisions together
Splitting or alternating the costs on dates
Doing things for each other
Going places you both enjoy
Giving as much as you receive

Respect
Paying attention to your partner, even when your friends are around
Valuing your partner’s opinion even if it differs from yours
Listening to what your partner has to say

Honesty and Responsibility
Being supportive
Wanting the best for your partner
Knowing your parter likes you
Offering encouragement when necessary
Being OK with your partner having different friends

 

vs. Unhealthy Relationships

Even though you may personally not be suffering from relationship violence, chances are that you have known someone or will know someone who is.
The best things we can do as responsible individuals are educate ourselves on the subject of domestic violence.

When one person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts or puts down the other person, it is abuse. The Power and Control in Dating Relationships Wheel lists examples of each form of abuse. Remember, abuse is much more than slapping or grabbing someone.

A relationship full of control is really out of control.
Download and print the Power and Control in Dating Relationships Wheel

 

Power and Control in Dating Relationships

Intimidation
Yelling or screaming
Using a threatening tone
Talking down
Threatening to hurt yourself or your partner
Making your partner feel afraid
Tearing up pictures
Smashing gifts
Destroying objects

Sexual Abuse
Bragging about your sexual relationship
Comparing your partner to past partners
Flirting to make your partner jealous
Using drugs/alcohol to get sex
Pressuring your partner
Rape

Physical Abuse
Holding your partner so they can’t leave
Slamming them into a wall
Hurting your partner where bruises don’t show
Grabbing
Slapping
Hitting
Shoving
Punching
Kicking

Threats
Saying you can’t live without your partner
Telling your partner you will leave them somewhere if they don’t do what you say
Constantly threatening to find someone else
Saying you will commit suicide if you break up

Domination
Threatening your partner like a baby, property or servant
Making all of the decisions
Having expectations that no one can meet
Controlling who your partner sees or spends time with
Setting all of the rules in the relationship

Humiliation
Putting down your partner
Calling your partner names
Constant criticism
Making your partner feel like they are crazy
Humiliating your partner in front of people
Making your partner feel guilty

Possessiveness
Using jealousy as a sign of love
Accusing your partner of cheating on you
Not letting your partner have other friends
Telling your partner how to think, dress and act

Minimization and Blame
Not accepting responsibility for your actions
Making a joke when you hurt your partner
Telling your partner everything is their fault
Acting like abuse is OK in the relationship

 

Between 25-33 percent of LGBTQ+ relationships include dating or domestic violence, a rate similar to heterosexual relationships.

Education allows us to know the signs, what to do and where to go for help when confronted with a domestic abuse situation. The knowledge we gain puts us into a position to empower ourselves, help others and put an end to domestic violence.

UW Oshkosh Counseling Center
Student Success Center, Suite 240
750 Elmwood Ave
Oshkosh, WI 54901